Dancing with Grief
the embodiment of relief
The rains stopped.
Many moons ago
the deeper rains stopped
tricking rains
drip by drip
gentle mist
they would greet the day
Yet the downpour,
Where rain would come
and wash and cleanse
and saturate the earth with fertile hands
stopped coming
stopped coming
where did it go?
why did it leave?
when will it ever return again?
Welcome to WEDNESDAY!
WELL-COME to this little space where for a moment in time I invite you to pause and gently breathe out.
I have just been laughing and laughing with my family. Playing charades and laughing so much that my belly hurts.
What about you?
When was the last time you had a huge belly laugh?
When was the last time you laughed so much you had tears in your eyes?
and then I wonder
When was the last time you cried?
When was the last time you allowed the inner rains to come?
When was the last time you danced with the Howling Wind of Grief?
We sometimes forget that we need BOTH of these emotions in our lives.
BOTH laughter and tears.
BOTH sorrow and joy.
BOTH elation and grief.
BOTH of them together creates the balance.
The ying and the yang.
BOTH of them, when deeply embodied in a visceral cellular way creates profound healing and empowerment.
Today I laughed so much my body feels light, alive and full.
Yesterday and over the weekend however, I felt the opposite.
I woke the other night, in the middle of the night, to feel that my smile had turned upside down and that my shoulders were tight and my posture, even in my sleep was tense.
I tried to move it out gently and softly while I laid in bed
Sometimes I can do that,
Sometimes it is usually as simple as turing over and the tension goes,
Other times though it is still there when I wake,
the feeling that I am heavy with something tangible, and aching with something real
Do YOU ever feel like that?
And then when I wake,
I move around like a stumbling dancer who knows the steps yet try as she might the lithe dancer she might be, or may be, or has been, or dreams to be, has two left feet and is constantly tripping over because her partner has yet to be WELCOMED into the room.
And then when he IS welcomed
called by his name
her breath changed
and her feet moved once again.
It is as though he is both the musician and my principal dance partner
It is as though once I hear his music and feel his touch and I can dance and dance and dance once again.
The other night withouth realising,
he was the Howling Wind of Grief
He reached out for me and I took his hand
and we danced in the kitchen as the darkness blanketed the night.
Slowly the music within took us somewhere else
beyond the kitchen,
beyond the lounge room
beyond the stage where the audience watches with critical stares.
He took my hand and his music guided me
ever so gently at first
ever so softly
ever so tenderly
An intimate dance
body to body.
And then subtly
the music changed
like the wind on a cold winter’s day
It changed.
Sharp and cold.
Those that do not wish to feel the change in the wind, they go inside, inside their warm houses and they close the door from the Howling Wind.
And those that stay outside,
we feel the wind in our bones and feel it blow through our hair
we see the branches sway
and the leaves fall
and fall
and fall.
Tumbling
falling
twirling
falling
lifting and
falling
floating and
falling
swaying and
falling
swirling and
falling
falling
falling
f
a
l
l
i
n
g
Until the wind changes again,
ever so slightly
and the leaves fall softly upon the earth
For she is the leaves as she dances with him
for she is the branches as she sways with him
for she in her wildness,
is embraced by him
She falls
yet he catches her
She jumps
yet he lifts her
higher
and lower
lower
and highter
she leaps higher
he holds her
she bends lower
he supports her
he takes her up and holds her as she is twirled and twirled and lifted high and higher
Upon tip toes
on flat feet
in shoes
with no shoes
in the sky
upon the ground
she dances with him,
her dance is never choreographed
for it is deep within her being
she knows the steps
even if, before now, she had yet to dance them,
She knows it in her being
her body is born to dance this dance
her body is born to move this way
her body is born to feel the deeper music
the deeper music that even the best maesto’s of today have yet to compose
Her body is born to hear the subtle music
of HER OWN music
deep within
And to someone else…
They may never hear the music
for sometimes the music is too raw,
too loud,
too soft
too subtle.
She too sometimes closes the door and blocks out the music
Yet today the Howling Wind of Grief
need not rattle her windows,
because she is there waiting for him
and she welcomed him in
and danced
and danced
and danced with him.
And in her dance
The rains came
and came
and came
That day my dance partner was the Howling Wind of Grief,
This evening I was dancing with the Contagious Cackle of Laughter,
tomorrow it might be the Raging Waves of Anger
or the Combersome Trolls of Triedness
Sometimes I may dance with the Annoying Fleas of Anxiety
or the Dainty Bluebells of Springtime
Sometimes though
I am brave enough to begin my dance without an introduction,
for sometimes my dance partner does not reveal his name until we are well under the spell of the music
Sometimes I have to wait.
Maybe on that day he is too shy,
hiding behind a mask
or waiting to trust me
as I too have trusted him.
This week I’ve danced with the Contagious Sounds of Laughter and the Howling Winds of Grief, what about YOU…who have you danced with?
Who have you danced with this week?
What is the name of your current dance partner?
If you could step into the middle of your room and feel the inner music within what movements would you do right now? just for 5 minutes, maybe 10 minutes, possibly 30 or maybe stepping into the middle of the room creates a timelessness where your movements become the most exquiste dance of your life.
And when the inner dance stops may the exquiste silence envelope you in a cape of deeply held serentiy and embodiment.
Until we meet again,
Blessed be.
Sam x
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I love this Sam, it does feel like we are having a dance with our emotions sometimes and it’s good to acknowledge that we can change the music and that the track will end and we get to choose the next one. I love the idea of it being something we play out in dance, which can bring light to those darker dances. 💫🙏
I am dancing with two, changing back and forth, being spun wildly by grief, then embraced by hope, then swaying with grief, then bouncing with hope...back and forth, back an forth, like a pendulum, just less predictable. They have their own choreography together it seems, grief and hope. Their moves are so different and yet together they dance in perfect harmony – when I let them coexist and not try to push one away to hold on to the other alone.