Part 3 -Death - Your Admin trail
What admin trail are you leaving behind?
This is the final post in my exploration on Practical things to consider before you die. If you missed the previous posts, or if would like to forward this to folk in your own community, feel free.
POST 1: HOW DO YOU WISH TO DIE?
POST 2 - PRACTICALLY - WHAT DO YOU WISH TO HAPPEN AFTER YOU DIE?
This final post explores THE ADMIN TRAIL YOU LEAVE BEHIND AND HOW TO SOFTEN THIS FOR YOUR LOVED ONES.
My friend, lately I have felt like I have been bombarded with stuff.
The stuff of the 21st century.
The “stuff” that was supposed to make life more simple.
The “stuff “that was supposed to make life less complicated.
The “stuff” that while making life more “secure” has added more steps to life.
My beloved Uncle died recently and I while I tried to take some time off to self care I became caught up in THE STUFF…
Let me share with you what I mean by THE STUFF.
When someone dies, it is not just the grief that you hold in your heart and hand, it is the phone calls, the emails, the change of names on accounts, the sorting of technology. It is the closing of bank accounts, of insurance policies, of mobile phone accounts. It is understanding how iCloud works and looking through emails to ensure that once the email account is closed there is nothing left undone. It is the changing of name holders on house deeds and utilities. It is the waiting on the phone for 30-45 minutes even BEFORE you speak to someone. It is the transferring of phone numbers into someone else’s name as maybe right now letting the 60 year old phone number go is too hard to contemplate and too big a step in the letting go process.
This is just some of the day to day admin dutites that must be completed,
- even before any Executor duties begin.
SO HOW DO YOU WISH TO LEAVE YOUR ADMIN TRAIL BEHIND?
Here are some administration suggestions that you might like to consider while you are alive to smooth the way for your loved ones
UNSUBSCRIBE to all your unwanted emails NOW. Oh my! Do you realise how many emails you have in your inbox? Do you realise how many UNWANTED emails you may have? Do you realise how much SPACE that takes on your computer and in your mind? UNSUBSCRIBE NOW… Trust me, you will feel so FREE!!!
Have a little password book - My Mum had a little blue book that she wrote all her passwords in. My Uncle typed his out.
Write down the password to your computer, Amazon account, Substack account, Online banking, Superannuation, Home-education links, Centerlink accounts, insurance companies, online shopping, Canva Design, Zoom account, Website platforms etc etc. Including the password to your mobile phone. This little book makes it so much easier for your family to close things off.
Mobile phones now have face recognition and thumb recognition, however when someone dies and is buried or cremated this becomes obselite. Consider having a passcode to your mobile phone and including that in your little book.
Consider what’s on your mobile phone What do you store on your phone? Photos, phone numbers, driver’s licence, money, apps…how many of these things are important to you and why? Can you delete some of them? Can there be another way to operate in the world?
And if for this moment you just looked at your Contact List, who on this list is important to you? Who on this list would you want and need to tell that you died? Who on this list would you like your loved ones to contact at the time of your death?
And this not only includes your friends and family, it also includes your solicitor, your accountant, your doctor, your neighbours, your dentist, your gardener, your cleaner, your mechanic, your vet, your, your, your…you get the idea.
Maybe you write or type out a list, or maybe you have an old fashioned telephone book. Maybe you might start to delete numbers that you no longer need. Maybe you might print out your contact list so that your loved ones have a copy for future reference.
Consider having someone else’s name on your billing accounts. If you are in a relationship include your partner on your accounts. This makes it easier to take one name off the account and leave the other name on when someone dies.
However if you are unable to do this, allocate someone as the “Authorised Person” on your account.
I sat with my Uncle two weeks before he died, and rang up all his billing companies and got my name down as the “Authorised Person”. This has helped immensely because I can now transfer, cancel or close his accounts.
Consider your Emails - Emails now are the main form of communication. It is here that you will find invoices outstanding, receipts that can be used for final taxation purposes, clubs and organisations that need to be informed of your death, and of course private communication that will need to be attended to with integrity and respect.
Are you someone that may have accrued points when you shopped. These points add up and can be a great gift to your family. My Uncle had many points accrued in various places, so before we were able to close these accounts we “cashed them in” to purchase groceries for my Dad.
So when your loved ones close your email account after you die, would you like them to simply delete emails and close the account, or would you like them to search for those accrued points, for example, to gift them on?From personal experience, it is a lot more work to honourably close a persons whole life, and this includes their email accounts. However I feel that if I don’t do so, I leave their energy “on and open” somewhere in cyber space. What do you think?
And what about your Social Media accounts - Do you wish to leave your social media accounts open forever? Or do you prefer that all the photos come off and the account is closed forever?
Do you even have a social media account and if you do not would you like your friends to write a post and share photos on their social media accounts about your death - or is that is too personal for you? What is YOUR wish? These converstations are important to have before you die so that your loved ones can respect your values.
Sometimes friends write posts on their pages without realising they have shared news that would have been better spoken about or shared face to face. It is important that they know how to be mindful of the effects of sharing news and how best to do this in a way that honours YOUR wishes.
And what about your Digital photos - are you aware how many photos you take in a day, week, year? And that isn’t even the videos you may take!!! And then what do you do with them? This makes my head spin - all the photos that are stored on phones and computers…what will happen to them in 20 years time, in 50 years time? Who will have them? Who will want them?
I am unsure what to do with photos. I find them overwhelming particularly in today’s world where it is so easy to take photos and, well, just forget them. How many photos do you have on your phone and what are you planning to do with them all?
My dear friend,
This is only a small list of the admin trail that can be left behind.
I understand that some folk prefer to grieve and to look at the admin trail at a later date. Some things can wait. Some things, by their very nature, have to be finalised and completed as soon as possible. By considering before you die some of the above things you are helping your loved ones step onto the Road of Grief in a softer, simpler way.
Dying, Death and Grieving are journeys unto themselves.
They are initiations and sacred thresholds.
They are spaces where the heart and soul,
mind and body
need space to explore what it is like to be without this person.
Please be gentle and patient with yourselves
Please be gentle and patient with your loved ones
Please reach out if you need. Reach out to your friends. Reach out for a massage. Reach out for a healing. Reach out to the trees or the ocean or the air.
Reach out and say “Can I sit with you in silence or in sharing?”
And if you are a friend of someone who is grieving, do reach out to them too. Never assume they are OK or have the “right” people around. Maybe you are the right person and they are too tired or sad to reach out to you.
In honour of the grief you are experiencing
and the road to inner peace that you are travelling.
In kindness,
ps/ If you are travelling the Road of Grief and need some healing /mentoring session do feel free to reach out. I would be honoured to hold your hand and heart as you travel these thresholds.
Thank you for updating your subscription and for sharing this post. If you would like to comment I invite you to be sensitive, compassionate and supportive. Thank you.
Very thoughtful.😊😊😊🤗🤗🤗
Again Sam these three posts have been a beautiful gift. I would hope there would be a thousand likes on these posts. But as I said in the restack... Why is it in our western culture we have such a hard time with death? We tend to run the other way, ignore it, pretend it won’t happen, act as if it can be prevented… Yet the deepest truth is being born means there will be a death. Life is impermanence.
Meeting Stephen Jenkinson and reading his book Die Wise changed everything for me. Then being a minister and being by the many bedsides of the sick and dying. Sam what you share here is of such great importance. Thank you for stepping out and up in doing this! Love to you dear one!