The silent pause
Why silent pauses are important in conversations
Hi! My name is Sam. I am a Gardener and Storyteller of the Soul who weaves shamanism, story-telling, spiritual counsel and earth-based wisdom, to create a gentle and profound space for healing and transformation.
Welcome to Soft. Simple. Still. where like gentle butterflies that land upon your hand, soft words will land in your heart for profound healing, stillness and simplicity.
Hello my dear one.
Let me pour you a cuppa.
When we stop and share each Wednesday and now each Sunday - via my podcast Meditations with Sam - I am the one usually doing the chatting and sharing. Today I wish to ask
HOW ARE YOU?
Let me pour the tea.
You don’t have to answer straight away.
I will wait.
That is such an overused question isn’t it?
HOW ARE YOU?
And I am guessing that the answer we respond to is overused too…
“I’m good.”
“I’m fine.”
“Grand. Thank you.”
I wonder, when was the last time you answered that question honestly? Deeply, truly, honestly?
Sometimes, it is just not appropriate to give a truthful answer when we are at the shops or waiting at the bus stop.
Other times, we can tell that the person we are talking to doesn’t really want to know.
Then there are those times when we don’t have the words to answer that question - maybe it is too raw, too vulnerable, or maybe there are just simply no words, and if true silence was offered it would say more.
How are you my friend?
Sometimes we want to answer those questions - the HOW ARE YOU questions.
Sometimes we want to share with the world the most amazing things that have happened to us.
We want to yell it from the mountain tops and shout it out to the horizon.
And sometimes we do.
And sometimes we don’t or we can’t or we feel as if we do our light will be too much for the other person and our exciting wonderful news will just fall flat
and
well,
we too will fall flat,
and then what happens to our exciting news?
Other times though, what is inside our heart is too big
too enormous
too vulnerable
and our heart feels as though it will burst and break and shatter if we share what is inside there…
And so sometimes we just choose not to answer
and change the topic,
or answer something generic.
Sometimes it is easier.
Sometimes it feels safer.
Sometimes what we need is someone to hold
the SILENT PAUSE.
so that we can FEEL THROUGH
all that is arising in us
THE SILENT PAUSE
allows you to have your space held so much
that the person with whom you are having a conversation -
and this can be you to you -
feels comfortable to allow silence to occur too.
THE SILENT PAUSE
invites you to go on,
to share some more,
to breathe out,
to contemplate,
to go deeper
and deeper
without feeling that in that pause, that silent space, something else has to be filled
without feeling that in that pause, that silent space, someone will try to rescue you, or try to fix it, or try to give you unsolicited advice (even if this advice is helpful)
without feeling that in that pause, that silent space, someone will share THEIR story, or butt in with a joke or an irrelevant comment
simply because
they feel uneasy and uncomfortable.
THE SILENT PAUSE.
Have you ever considered its effect upon each word,
each thought,
each action?
Have you ever considered how it affects the interaction that you will have
between yourself and yourself
between yourself and another?
THE SILENT PAUSE.
The subtle silence that when offered encourages you to breathe out,
to pause while you gather your thoughts,
to know that you are free to talk or ponder or reflect
or just be silent.
THE SILENT PAUSE
Can YOU sit in the silence?
In the pausing?
In the unspoken?
The Silent Pause says more than words,
for the Silent Pause invites the deeper voices,
the deeper feelings,
the deeper healing.
Do you have friends, who in their mindfulness offer you the Silent Pause?
Do you have friends who offer you the space to breathe out before you share again?
Do you have friends who offer you the Silent Pause in respect of what you have just shared,
before they share one
or two
or three sentences
or words,
and no more,
allowing and inviting more silence,
more stillness
more pauses in the conversation?
Has that ever happened to you - That someone has held the Silent Pause?
And then I wonder have you ever done that for another?
To offer them the Silent Pause
To help them find their own way
To support them in their story by just sitting silently.
Sometimes we are unable to hold the silent pauses in our own lives because we are too busy, too frantic, too ungrounded, too attached to the outcome.
I wonder though, if you did, what would it be like?
So why are Silent Pauses so important?
To our heart they say we are listening.
To our truth they say that we hear.
To our body they say we are stopping.
To our emotions they say we are holding.
To our mind they say we can pause.
To our energy they say we can rebalance.
To our friends they say we are there.
To our friends they say we respect them.
To our friends they say we are patient.
To our friends they say we are present.
To our friends they say we respect their journey.
To our friends they say we are released of ego.
Just for this moment imagine your are offering yourself the Silent Pause…and in doing so…how would you answer the following:
HOW AM I?
WHAT AM I REALLY FEELING RIGHT NOW?
HOW CAN I HELP MYSELF RIGHT NOW?
I would love to hear what THE SILENT PAUSE means to you - have you experienced it? What was that like? Who held the Silent Pause for you? Have you ever held it for yourself?
If you would like me to hold the Silent Pause for you in a sacred healing, please feel free to reach out. I would be honoured.
Until we meet where the silent pauses gift our hearts and hold our truths,
Blessed Be.
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So beautiful Sam. I love as I read this today, to see a similar theme that I spoke on in my notes yesterday about the overwhelm I feel when I hear the question 'how are you?' because of the social conventions we tie to it. This offered me a reminded to also lean into the power of stillness and silence in those moments, so thank you. What I most took from reading this was "the Silent Pause invites the deeper voices" I've had someone in my life who always offered me that pause, and I used to see it as rejection, as ignoring, I've now come to understand how profound it is what he offered me, and that was space to allow what needed to surface, but also time to reflect and integrate so I could understand the experience I was having and come to my own conclusions and realisations. The silent pause to me, means, that you are seen in your own ability to come to your own answers or speak what you need to, without being led there. To offer and be in the sacred pause is empowering.
What a lovely and important perspective, Sam. I am blessed to have a sister and a good friend who have both held the silent pause for me — the trick, I find, is asking them to do it. I also am glad to be reminded to be mindful of my instinct to fix things when someone shares a heartache or problem. I will definitely learn to add The Silent Pause to my healing toolkit and pull it out more often.